first off...Nicole, you do not laugh in real life so stop typing fake laughter online. I have told you this many times already. and estacy...hahahah one word nicole...BULLSHIT!

and now on to the non- Nicoles....ah well Im trying to be good. I am trying to have a good week. I dont have all the excuses that I once relied on so this is kind of unnavigated territory. Its weird...but I spent so long trying to get away and be normal. And now that im somewhere in the vacinity thought I concede that I will never quite accomplish normal, It might have to do with the great deal of awesomeness that surrounds me but anyways.. where was I.. ah Normal. Yes so now Im at a place where Im not in continual pursuit of being a complete blithering idiot with every breath. Im not doing stupid things and being a general pain in my own ass. I am not trying to actively destroy every possible permutation of the future. I am not hating getting out of bed in the mornings. heck..I am actually getting out of bed in the morning. Well some mornings But all the same yay! for me...

Its just that little bit more that just will not come to me. perhaps its about discipline and will both of which with a regualrly functioning head I should be able to come up with. But I dont really think ive ever been remotely disciplined...or strong willed. And therein the problem lies. Im not being a lazy fuck but ..ugh...

Well I wrote a bit. just put down ideas in a notebook, yes a new one cause you always need a new note book. There isnt too much noise.. there are actual words, well more like a general idea.. which is seemign to huge to ever actually come together, but that isnt something for me to worry about is it. Just fill up the pages and the rest will work itself out somehow.. I think.