Yesterday was hard. Today will be better. So I would like to believe.

I keep chashing after normal, telling myself I just got to get there and laaddeeeedaaa all will be well. And right now I think Im just at a point where Im fucking done with the waiting. Done with waiting to be normal, done with waiting for things to get amazing, done with waiting for my friend to show up, don with waiting for my hair to grow.....god i swear to you its just not growing, purely to spite me. arggah... well ha guess what fuck u im chopping you all off. Im done with waiting, no need to chase after being some pretty long haired zombie girl Im never going to be. Chop chop chop....so theres one less thing im going to be waiting around for. It might actually be refreshing.

And the rest of the waiting....I dont know. It is left sitting with me and my constant overanalyisis. Do I really believe that carving something into my arm is going to bring about a change in perspective. Yes and No I suppose. Im talking about my tattoo here by the way.. the one Ive been endlessly overanalysizing for months. The last time after endless overthinking I just went and did it one day because I was pissed off. I wanted something all to myself. I remember that day... I did it just to spite her. ha... stupid little girl. Im supposed to be saving for Brazil.. or do I spend my pay check getting a tattoo that I want but Im too afraid to have.

I suppose I have my answer dont I. Daddy is not going to be pleased.